5 truths about nursing a toddler

Here he is, in all his glory, kneeding me with his fingers as he goes.

No, that's not a bad latch, he is grabbing my boob.

Toddler nursing. It is a special, unique, frustrating part of my life. I don't have any close friends who nurse their toddlers. I am constantly wishing I could talk about all of the weird little parts of it with someone. So, internet, you are my someone. Some of the parts are cool. Some of them make me want to yank my head off and go bowling with it. Basically, it's like any other part of parenthood. Ha. But, it's the truth either way.


1. The Insistence. Back when my son was still a baby, he would just cry and root. Sweetly smash his face into my chest. Now it's like I'm being held at gunpoint. Violent yanking of my shirt (up, down, any direction that leads him to tit). Growling/Shrieking "NIGHT NIGHTS!". Throwing of his body in protest when the boob isn't offered or I'm taking too long to flop it out. However, sometimes it's adorable. Like last night when he went upstairs, climbed into my bed and patted my spot while smiling and saying, "Night nights."

2. The Positions. Gone are the days of his still little body draped on my Brest Friend pillow, or nestled in the crook of my arm. Now it's basically Yoga While Nursing, with no regard for my personal comfort or space. My favorite is the time he was bare ass naked, butt in my face, knees on my shoulders, nursing upside down. I guess I'm just thankful he didn't pee on me. Up side to this? Versatility. I think?

3. The Switching. Does anyone else's kid do this?! Holy frustrating fuck. Switching back and forth between each boob every one minute. Just for fun. Heaving his beastly little 36 pound body back and forth over me. Usually not taking the time to swallow before he pulls off, therefore spilling a mouthful of milk all over my chest as he switches. Good times. No plus to this one.

4. The "Playing with My Other Nipple" Part. Again, does anyone else's kid do this?! While he's nursing on one side, the other boob is a toy. A toy he refuses to put down. As in, pulling on, tweaking and pinching my nipple and the softest part of my boob skin. When he started this....oh, I don't know, 10 months ago, I thought "Eh, it's a phase. Everything is a phase. I'm so smart." Well guess what, it wasn't a freaking phase. Try sleeping while one of your nipples is being yanked on. I can sleep through nursing any time. Nipple tweaks? Not one I can get used to. No plus to this one either!

5. The Comfort. This one is what makes 1-4 all worth it. This is ALL up side. The fact that I have the ability to comfort, soothe, feed (mine is more like a snack vs a meal replacement) and nurse to sleep my 22 month old son at any time, anywhere, is pretty awesome. It rules. I am thankful for this opportunity and relationship, because I know not every Mom can do this. I am happy to be able to supplement his random toddler diet with my magically nutritious milk...it makes me feel a little better when he has only eaten grapes all day.


Needless to say, toddler nursing is a roller coaster, but I happen to love roller coasters, so I'm good.
Happy National Breastfeeding Month, Internet!